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Right now there are 60 stories in there, and I will be adding more. Each story is linked to a label listing here at this blog where you will be able to get more information about the story as I add more notes and references, along with other versions of the story. There's also a list of all the stories below. Enjoy!
T0107. “How old are you, Nasruddin?” asked one of his friends.
“I’m fifty years old,” Nasruddin replied.
“But that’s what you said when I asked you about that several years ago.”
“That's right,” said Nasruddin. “I never go back on my word!”
T0152. “I can play any instrument!” Nasruddin declared.
His friend gave him a lute. “Play this!”
Nasruddin awkwardly grabbed the lute and strummed a single chord. He strummed the same chord over and over again.
“But real lute players move their hands up and down to play different notes,” Nasruddin’s friend protested.
“That’s because they don’t know what they are doing. They don’t know where to find the notes they are looking for,” said Nasruddin. “but I already know what I want to play.”
T0085. “I have miraculous powers!” Nasruddin exclaimed.
“What is your most miraculous power?” his friend asked.
Nasruddin thought for a moment and then replied, “I can see in the dark.”
“Surely you’re joking!” said his friend. “I’ve seen you carrying a lantern in the dark, just like everybody else does.”
“Ah,” said Nasruddin. “The reason I carry that lantern in the dark is so that others will not run into me.”
T0053. “If you can guess what I have in my pocket,” said Nasruddin to his friend, “I’ll give you an apricot!”
“I think you’ve got an apricot in your pocket!” his friend replied.
“That’s right!” said Nasruddin in amazement. “But how did you know?”
T0197. “Nasruddin,” said one of his neighbors. “I heard a loud banging at your house last night. Is everything alright?”
“It’s fine,” said Nasruddin. “That was just my cloak falling down the stairs.”
“But a cloak could not make such a loud noise!” said his neighbor.
“Well,” admitted Nasruddin, “I was in the cloak at the time.”
T0049. “There’s been a terrible accident,” said Nasruddin’s neighbor. “Your ox got lose and gored my cow to death. I demand compensation.”
“What do you mean?” replied Nasruddin. “You can’t hold me responsible for what my ox did to your cow.”
“Oh,” said the neighbor, “I apologize: I meant to say that my ox got lose and gored your cow to death.”
“Wait!” said Nasruddin. “That changes everything. I demand compensation!”
T0130. “What happens to the old full moon when they take it away?” someone asked Nasruddin.
“They cut it up,” he said, “and they make the scraps into stars.”
T0086. A friend came to Nasruddin and asked to borrow some money. Reluctantly, Nasruddin agreed. Then, much to his surprise, his friend paid back the money. He even paid it back ahead of schedule!
A few months later, the same friend came and asked Nasruddin for another loan. Nasruddin refused.
“I don’t understand,” said his friend. “I paid you back last time.”
“Exactly!” said Nasruddin. “You didn’t do at all what I expected, and I’m certainly not going to let you fool me a second time.”
T0129. A man came to Nasruddin asking him to write a letter to his brother in Konya.
“I can’t,” said Nasruddin. “I’ve injured my foot.”
“I don’t understand,” said the man. “You don’t need your foot to write a letter.”
“I can write the letter,” replied Nasruddin, “but my handwriting is so bad that I need to accompany the letter in order to read the letter aloud when it arrives, and because my foot is hurt, I cannot make a trip to Konya at the moment.”
T0099. A neighbor asked to borrow Nasruddin’s clothesline.
“Not possible,” said Nasruddin. “I’m using it right now.”
“But I didn’t see any clothes drying outside. What are you using it for?”
“I’m using it to dry flour,” said Nasruddin. “I spilled some water and the flour got wet.”
“You can’t use a clothesline for drying flour!” exclaimed the neighbor.
“You can when your purpose is to avoid loaning out your clothesline,” Nasruddin replied.
T0072. A neighbor asked to borrow Nasruddin’s donkey.
“Sorry,” said Nasruddin. “But the donkey is not here right now; I loaned him to my brother-in-law, and they haven’t come back yet.”
At just that moment, the donkey let out a loud bray from inside the stable.
Before his neighbor could say anything, Nasruddin gave him a hard look. “Who are you going to believe: me, or the donkey?”
T0070. A rich man had invited Nasruddin to go with him on a bear hunt. Reluctantly, Nasruddin agreed to go. He returned from the hunt beaming with happiness.
“How did it go?” a friend asked him.
“It was wonderful!” Nasruddin replied.
“How many bears did you kill?”
“None!”
“How many bears did you chase?”
“None!”
“How many bears did you see?”
“None!” said Nasruddin happily. “That is why it was wonderful. I don’t mind hunting bears if there are no bears anywhere to be found.”
T0026. During the night, Nasruddin heard robbers ransacking his house, so he hid in the cupboard. One of the robbers opened the cupboard door and found him there.
“What are you doing in there?” he asked.
“I’m hiding here in shame,” said Nasruddin, “because there’s nothing worth stealing here in my house.”
T0195. It was dark. Nasruddin’s wife wanted to light a candle, so she said, “There’s a candle over there on the table to your left. Hand it to me and I’ll light it.”
Nasruddin was baffled. “How do you expect me to tell left from right in the dark like this?”
T0025. Nasruddin and his wife awoke to the sound of men quarreling in the night. The shouting got louder and louder.
“I’ll go see what they are quarreling about,” said Nasruddin, lighting a lamp and going downstairs.
His wife heard him open the front door, and then the quarreling stopped.
“What happened?” she asked Nasruddin when he came back to bed.
“As soon as I opened the door, one of them grabbed my lamp, and then they both ran off,” Nasruddin replied. “So I suppose they must have been quarreling about my lamp!”
T0010. Nasruddin arrived at school wearing no clothes.
“Nasruddin,” asked the teacher, “what are you doing here naked?”
“I was in a hurry and ran here as fast as I could,” said Nasruddin. “I didn’t have time to get dressed.”
T0147. Nasruddin came to the bathhouse, but the attendant treated him poorly, giving him a threadbare towel and only a tiny piece of soap, but Nasruddin tipped him generously.
On his next visit, the attendant gave him a luxurious towel and a full bar of soap, but Nasruddin tipped him poorly.
“This tip is for last time,” Nasruddin explained, “and the last tip was for this time. Now we’re even!”
T0087. Nasruddin fell off his donkey right in the middle of the marketplace. Everyone gathered around and laughed at him.
“What are you laughing at?” Nasruddin asked angrily. “This is where I was going to get off anyway!”
T0199. Nasruddin had a dream. In that dream, an angel was counting golden coins into his hand, one at a time. One, two three… finally the angel had counted out nine coins.
“If you could give me ten coins,” Nasruddin said to the angel, “I would be able to pay all my debts.“
The angel then disappeared, and Nasruddin woke up from his dream, and there were no gold coins anywhere.
“Come back, angel! Please come back!” shouted Nasruddin. “I've thought it over, and I’ll take the nine!”
T0154. Nasruddin had just lowered a ladder down into someone’s garden in order to raid it, but the owner caught him in the act.
“What are you doing with that ladder?” the man shouted at him.
“This ladder?” said Nasruddin. “Well, to tell the truth, I’m selling this ladder.”
“You can’t sell a ladder here!” the man replied.
“I beg to differ,” said Nasruddin. “A ladder can be sold anywhere! Are you interested in buying it?”
T0089. Nasruddin had sneaked into an apricot orchard and climbed a tree. He was stuffing his pockets with apricots when the owner of the orchard discovered him.
“What are you doing up in that tree?”
Nasruddin said nothing.
“I repeat: what are you doing up there?”
“Are you talking to me?” said Nasruddin.
“Yes, you!”
“I’m just a nightingale,” said Nasruddin. “This tree is my home.”
“If you’re a nightingale, sing!” said the man.
Nasruddin sang. He sang very badly.
“You don’t sound like a nightingale!”
“I’m a young nightingale,” said Nasruddin. “I’m still just learning to sing.”
T0054. Nasruddin had some performing monkeys, but he did not have enough to feed them.
“Monkeys,” he said, “I can only afford to give you three figs each in the morning and four in the evening.”
The monkeys were furious; they shrieked at Nasruddin and pelted him with filth.
“Okay, okay,” Nasruddin said. “I can give you four figs in the morning and three figs in the evening, but that’s my final offer.”
That satisfied the monkeys.
T0160. Nasruddin had some very fine forty-year-old vinegar. A friend asked Nasruddin to give him a taste.
“No,” said Nasruddin. “No vinegar for you, and no vinegar for me either. That’s how you make forty-year-old vinegar.”
T0050. Nasruddin made the call for prayer from atop the minaret. Moments later he came running out of the mosque as fast as he could.
“Where are you going?” someone asked him.
“I want to see how far my voice carries!” Nasruddin replied.
T0051. Nasruddin returned home after a long journey to find that robbers had broken into his home and stolen everything.
“You probably forgot to lock the door!” said his wife.
“I told you to put bars on the windows!” said a neighbor.
“Leaving the house unattendedd for such a long time is very risky!” said another neighbor.
Nasruddin finally shouted, “Is there no one here who will put the blame on the robbers?”
T0135. Nasruddin rode into town on his donkey. To be more precise, there was a load of wood on his donkey’s back, and Nasruddin was sitting on top of the load of wood.
“Why are you sitting up there on top of the wood?” someone asked.
“I wanted to give my donkey a break,” said Nasruddin. “This way my weight is on the wood, not on the donkey.”
T0069. Nasruddin stood in the village square and shouted, “Who wants to get rich?”
People began to gather around.
“Who wants to get rich without doing any work?”
More people began to gather around.
“Tell me, people,” he shouted to the assembled crowd, “who wants the secret to getting rich without having to do any work at all?”
“We do! We do!” shouted all the people.
“I do too!” shouted Nasruddin. Then he asked, “Does anybody here actually know the secret?”
T0149. Nasruddin used to work in the coffeehouse. He was carrying a tray of glasses filled with coffee when he stumbled and fell. The coffee spilled everywhere, and the glasses shattered. Everyone stared.
“Idiots! What are you staring at?” Nasruddin said as he got up off the ground. “Have you never seen a fool before?”
T0081. Nasruddin wanted to buy an elephant, so he asked a rich man to loan him the money.
“Buy an elephant? Surely you're joking,” the rich man replied.
“Not at all,” said Nasruddin. “My mind is made up. I must buy an elephant.”
“But elephants require a lot of food. If you do not have the money to buy an elephant, then how will you pay for its food?”
“You seem to have misunderstood,” said Nasruddin. “I came to you for a loan. I did not come to you for advice!”
T0156. Nasruddin was carrying a basket full of bunches of grapes.
“Give us some!” shouted the children.
Nasruddin took a few grapes from the basket and cut them in half. He then gave each child half a grape.
“Give us more!” the children complained.
“All the grapes in this basket taste the same,” Nasruddin explained. “Half of a grape is all you need.”
T0108. Nasruddin was carrying a fresh loaf of bread home to have for dinner. He saw some ducks in a pond and decided he would catch one to take home. That way he would have more than just bread to eat for his supper!
Not only did he fail to catch the duck, he fell into the pond. He then got out the bread and started eating it, dipping each piece in the water.
“What are you doing?” asked a passerby.
“I’m eating duck soup!” Nasruddin replied.
T0068. Nasruddin was giving a sermon. “I give thanks to God for the things he created!”
Then he added, “And I give thanks to God for the things he did not create.”
His audience looked at him in confusion, so he gave an example. “I give thanks to God that he did not create camels with wings.”
His audience still looked confused, so he explained. “Just imagine all the damage they would do, landing on the roof tops, breaking all the roof tiles and pooping in the chimneys!”
T0136. Nasruddin was indignant when he saw some small parrots being sold for a very high price in the marketplace.
“My chicken is much bigger than your scrawny birds!” he said to the vendor. “She is twice as big as they are; I should be able to sell her for twice as much.”
“But my parrots can imitate human speech,” the vendor replied.
“Well, my chicken is very philosophical. She thinks deep thoughts, and she does not waste her time with empty chit-chat like those parrots.”
T0196. Nasruddin was on the roof. “Come here!” shouted a man down on the ground. Nasruddin climbed down and asked the man what he wanted.
“I need money,” the man explained.
“Why didn’t you just say so?” said Nasruddin. “Instead, you made me climb down.”
“I was embarrassed to shout it out loud,” the man explained.
Nasruddin told the man to come up on the roof. Then, once they were up on the roof, he told the man he had nothing to give him.
“Why didn’t you just say so?”
Nasruddin just smiled.
T0151. Nasruddin was raiding a garden when the gardener’s owner caught him in the act. “What are you doing?”
“I was blown here by the wind,” said Nasruddin.
“What about all those vegetables lying there that someone has pulled up out of the ground?”
“I grabbed hold of those vegetables to stop my flight.”
“And what about that bag full of vegetables you are holding in your hand?”
“That is ballast,” said Nasruddin, “in case the wind starts blowing and tries to carry me off again!”
T0023. Nasruddin was returning home from the market, and his donkey was carrying big bags of salt. On the way, they had to cross a stream. The donkey slipped in the stream, and the bags of salt dissolved. When the donkey stood back up, he found his load was lightened, and he trotted happily home.
The next time they were returning from the market, the donkey was carrying big bags of wool. He decided to slip in the stream on purpose this time, but the wool absorbed the water. The result was that his load was much heavier.
“You can’t expect to get lucky every time!” Nasruddin said to the donkey.
T0048. Nasruddin was riding on horseback when something spooked the horse and it went galloping headlong through the market.
“Hey, Nasruddin!” someone shouted at him. “Where are you going?”
“I don’t know!” Nasruddin shouted back. “You better ask the horse!”
T0106. Nasruddin was running through the marketplace, hurrying home.
“What’s the news?” someone asked.
“My wife has just had a baby!” Nasruddin shouted.
“Is it a boy or a girl?”
“Yes, it is!” replied Nasruddin. “But how did you know?!”
T0055. Nasruddin was seated backwards on his donkey, facing the rear instead of facing forwards.
“Why are you riding backwards like that?” someone asked him.
“I’m sitting the right way,” Nasruddin replied. “It’s the donkey who’s backwards.”
T0047. Nasruddin was sitting in a chair on his front porch eating eggs.
His neighbor, walking by, asked, “Why are you sitting in your chair eating eggs like that?”
“Would it be better if I sat in the eggs and ate the chair?” Nasruddin replied.
T0005. Nasruddin was sprinkling sesame seeds all around his house.
“Why are you doing that?” someone asked.
“To keep the tigers away,” said Nasruddin.
“But there aren’t any tigers anywhere near here,” the neighbor replied.
“I know!” said Nasruddin. “Isn’t it wonderful?”
T0002. Nasruddin was traveling on a ship. On board was a famous scholar. This scholar made fun of Nasruddin's style of speaking. “It's clear you've never studied grammar,” the scholar said. “What a pity!”
A storm blew up. The ship was about to sink; everybody was going to have to swim for it.
“Do you know how to swim?” Nasruddin asked the scholar.
“No,” said the scholar; “I never learned how to swim.”
“What a pity!” said Nasruddin.
T0019. Nasruddin was walking around in his front yard, peering down at the ground.
“What are you looking for?” his neighbor asked.
“I dropped my key,” said Nasruddin.
The neighbor began to help look for the key. Finally he asked, “Do you have any idea just where exactly you might have dropped it?”
“I dropped it somewhere in the basement,” Nasruddin replied, not looking up.
“Then why are you looking for it out here?” exclaimed the neighbor.
“It’s dark in the basement,” Nasruddin said. “There’s more light out here.”
T0145. Nasruddin was walking home late one night when he stopped at a well to drink some water. When he stared down into the well, he saw the moon.
“Hang on, Moon!” he shouted. “I’ll rescue you!”
He then lowered the bucket into the well and, as he tried to maneuver the bucket into just the right spot so the moon could climb in, he stumbled over the hem of his robe and fell over backwards.
He then saw the moon up in the sky. “I did it!” he exclaimed. “Be careful not to fall down again, Moon!”
T0082. Nasruddin went and prayed every day in a big mosque. His prayers were not answered.
He complained to a friend, and his friend advised him to try praying in a smaller mosque. Nasruddin followed his advice, and his prayers were answered.
Nasruddin then went back to the big mosque. “You should be ashamed of yourself!” he said. “You are so big and grand, but it was the little mosque that answered my prayers.”
T0103. Nasruddin’s coat had become too large, so he took it to the tailor to be altered.
“That will cost two gold coins,” said the tailor.
Nasruddin was outraged. “If I had that kind of money,” he said, “I’d be able to buy enough food to eat so that my coat would not be too large!”
T0157. Nasruddin’s donkey was lost, but Nasruddin looked happy, not sad.
“How can you look so happy when your donkey is lost?” someone asked.
“I’m happy because I’m not on the donkey,” explained Nasruddin. “If I were, I would be lost too!”
T0020. Nasruddin’s neighbor came to Nasruddin’s house exactly at noon; they had agreed to meet to discuss an important matter. Nasruddin, however, was not there. The neighbor waited for a while. When Nasruddin did not arrive, he scrawled the word “IDIOT” on the wall and left.
He ran into Nasruddin a few days later, and Nasruddin said, “I apologize for not having been at home the other day.”
“How did you know I was there?” his neighbor asked.
“Don’t you remember?” said Nasruddin. “You left your calling card.”
T0200. Nasruddin’s neighbor had a bull, and one day that bull blundered into Nasruddin’s garden, trampling all his vegetables. Nasruddin grabbed a whip and chased the bull out of the garden, whipping the bull as he did so.
“Hey!” shouted his neighbor. “What are you doing?”
“You stay out of this,” replied Nasruddin. “This is between me and the bull!”
T0084. Nasruddin’s wife sat beside him on his deathbed, weeping. “Don’t cry,” he said to her. “In fact, I want you to go put on your best clothes, wear your finest jewelry, adorn yourself with rouge and eyeshadow; I want you to look beautiful.”
“How can I do that now, when I am feeling so sad?” she said.
“Please just do what I say,” Nasruddin insisted. “Then, when the Angel of Death arrives, he might see you looking all beautiful and decide to take you away with him instead.”
T0155. People who could not read would sometimes bring letters to Nasruddin so that he could read the letters to them. One man had brought Nasruddin a letter to read, but the handwriting was terrible.
“This is the worst handwriting I have ever seen,” said Nasruddin. “I cannot read this letter.”
The man was indignant. “You wear the turban of a scholar, but you cannot even read a simple letter from my brother.”
Nasruddin pulled the turban off his head and threw it at the man. “Take the turban,” he said, “and see if you can do any better!”
T0104. Religious scholars were arguing about whether you should stand to the right or to the left of the coffin in a funeral procession.
“Right!” some insisted.
“Left!” said others.
Then they asked Nasruddin what he thought.
“I don’t think it really matters,” said Nasruddin. “The main thing is just to not be IN the coffin.”
T0090. Someone asked Nasruddin what day of the week it was.
“I’m not sure,” said Nasruddin. “I’m a stranger in this town. You’ll have to ask one of the locals.”
T0080. Someone asked Nasruddin, “What do you think is the best way to gain wisdom?”
“You have to listen carefully,” Nasruddin replied.
“But listen to what exactly?”
“Well, you should listen carefully to what wise people say; that's the first thing.”
“And what's the second thing?”
“When you are speaking, you need to listen carefully to what you are saying.”
T0092. Someone had stolen Nasruddin's donkey. He went to the police station to make a report of the theft.
“You must help me!” Nasruddin pleaded. “Someone has stolen my donkey.”
The police officer took out a piece of paper, ready to write the report. “Tell me what happened.”
“How can I possibly do that?” Nasruddin exclaimed. “I wasn't there when it happened! If I had been there, I would have stopped the thief before he took my donkey.”
T0093. Someone once asked Nasruddin, “Why do you always answer a question with another question?”
“Do I?” said Nasruddin.
T0095. The king became obsessed with eggplants. He wanted to eat eggplant every day. “Aren’t eggplants the best food in the world?” he asked Nasruddin.
“Yes, sire,” said Nasruddin. “Eggplants are the best.”
Eventually the king got tired of eating eggplant. “Take this away!” he shouted. “I never want to eat eggplant again.” Then he said to Nasruddin, “Aren’t eggplants the worst food in the world?”
“Yes, sire,” said Nasruddin. “Eggplants are the worst.”
“But didn’t you tell me the other day that eggplants are the best?”
“Yes, sire,” said Nasruddin. “My loyalty is to the king, not to the eggplants.”
T0057. The wise men challenged Nasruddin to a context. Nasruddin agreed, provided he got to ask the first question. This was his question: What is bread? The wise men wrote their answers on pieces of paper. Nasruddin then read their answers aloud:
Bread is a food.
Bread is a gift of God.
Bread is made with flour and water.
Bread is delicious.
Bread is baked in an oven.
Bread is the staff of life.
Nasruddin sighed. "These supposed wise men cannot even agree what bread is! Why then should we listen to what they say about matters of real difficulty?"
T0121. There was going to be a contest of wisdom! The challenger asked if Nasruddin wanted to answer one hundred easy questions or just one hard question.
“I’ll take the one hard question,” he said.
“Which came first: the chicken or the egg?”
“The chicken,” replied Nasruddin confidently.
“How can you be so sure?”
“Ah,” said Nasruddin, “that is your second question. I only agreed to answer one.”
T0066. Two men who were quarreling came to Nasruddin, asking him to decide who was right.
The first man presented his case.
Nasruddin said, “You’re right!”
The other man shouted, “You haven’t even listened to my side of the story!” That man then presented his case.
Nasruddin said, “You’re right!”
Nasruddin’s wife, who had been listening, said, “They can’t both be right.”
Nasruddin replied, “You’re right too!”
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